Friday, 17 February 2017

WIFE - Really #!!!!!!


Biggest Advantage of Technology, Lots of women on Wats app chatting together but with UTTER SILENCE


Once Creator deleted entire MEMORY from males mind. Post that he questioned "Do you remember anything?''
Man : Yes and told his wifes name

Creater : formatted the entire system but still Virus not cleaned....


When Husband and wife in bed silently thinking

Wife thinks
·         Why the hell is he not talking?

·         Am i not as beautiful as i was earlier ?

·         Had I gain weight?

·         Does my face has wrinkles?

·         Is he having some affair?

·         Is he fed up with everyday quarrel?

Husband Thinking:
Who will be winning the IPL FINAL


Watching TV with wife,

Me:Put sports channel

She : No
Me : Ok I will see....
She : What will you see??
Me: Whatever you are seeing on TV.


As per the survey conducted ,40% of the married males are undergoing  trauma conditions due to their wives, rest 60% were afraid to take the survey


In India, Only 5% females play Cricket,Badminton,Lawn tennis etc... rest 95% becomes wife and plays with husbands life...


Wife (After quarrel) :Say those three magical words

Husband : I love you

Wife : No,not at all try again

Husband : I like you

Wife : No way

Husband: I miss you

Wife: Don't make me angry. These are not the words

Husband : I was at Fault...

Wife Rocks....


One tensed Husband reached the doctor clinic.He took aside Doctor & talked
Doc : Wat happened ?
Husband : My wife by mistake ate the 8 GB Memeory card of my phone & she is singing since then.Pls take that out immediately..
Doctor For how long she's been singing.
Husband: Screw the songs doctor , I am just afraid of the moment  when she will reach Video folder...


Art of living by Sri Sri Ravi Shanker Ji. Bringing out wife empty handed from a shopping mall is also"Art of Living".


Hoarding on a roadside, Beautiful model standing with a mixer in hand,mentioning " Exchange Offer"
I was consistently staring  at the same .
My wife said: Its only on mixer, lets move

LOL -Lots of Love


My Son : Dad, What made you marry Mom

Me  : It was love at first sight.  Beautiful mole on cheek pounded my heart.

My Son: Ghosh, for a small mole you bought such a huge monster...

 

My Dad asked me one day : What you want to do in future?

I replied: Sensible enough ,  As not going to ask a 5 year old Kid such questions.

 

My son, after getting beaten up by my wife, looked angrily at me

He asked: when did you visited Pakistan?

I replied : Never

He : Afganistan ?

I replied : Never ever

He : Then from where the hell you bought this Terrorist??

 

My Dad always downloads about his old time on me.

In our time this & that.

Once he said: You know, I used to take 10rs from home and will bring groceries and milk together.

I replied : Yaa Dad now time is changed ,every shop is now having CCTV FACILITY.......




Kids , I asked my son : What about your result today?

Son: Dad ,got 80% ...

Me : Hey,marksheet shows 40% only..

Son: Rest 40% will be credited post Aadhar card  linking.